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BOOBIES!

My Dream Duet

play them simultaneously, and you'll know what i mean. i can just die and float right up to heaven.

R.I.P. Shakey Fabrice

Shits and Giggles

the japanese (as a friend of mine states) are at least 3 years ahead of the world with just about everything. technologically speaking, if they didn’t invent it than they sure as hell made it work better. the street wear is so stimulating that even fashion icon gwen stephani needs to rub up against a harajuku girl or two for inspiration. film makers, kurosawa pretty much invented the modern day ganster film, while miike perfected rape/torture horror flicks… both japanese directors.


the thing I find most rewarding about the japanse culture is the underlying sense of humor and adventure.

japanese game shows, for one are paralleled to none. no where else on the planet could have thought up human tetris or this game here where instead of losing points while a condescending game show host reads the correct answer off a cue card, you get to wear human sphincter goggles.

i also find the anime intriguing. Of particular notice is how all the characters’ eyes are unnaturally robust, while the occasional asian dude looks like he’s sleep-walking with someone’s thumb lodged in his ass. i’m sensing a theme here…

the motherload of japanse treasures is engrish.com. although, not technically a japanese invention, i worship this site and all its contents simply for its sheer purity. it’s like watching a video of a fresh new puppy not enjoying walking on wet grass for the first time. or a kitten who’s head is trapped in a paper bag. or a pimply faced love toy that’s begging you to bend over so he can make you feel his love.

Hair Tells A Story

i might be completely alone in all this, but it's only been about a week out and i'm already sick to fucking death of the sunsilk ads. i saw the first monstrosity while in my car driving to who knows where. it was a 60’ marilyn billboard pasted upon some unfortunate, indentured building.

at first, i must admit that i actually thought it clever… marylin with ghosts of her former self monochromatically silhouetted in her iconic do. i reflected to myself, “now that’s smart marketing!”

but too much too soon, sunsilk.

the cherry of pretty much every media outlet has now been plowed by the unstoppably, overly compensatory phallice of the sunsilk marketing budget. You can’t open a newspaper, magazine or your own front door without seeing some fucking ad for this lame ass product. and of course, there was the $2M price tag for the :30 spot at superbowl XLII.

the current campaign does beats the shit out of the earlier ads that had that annoying little gay dude from sex and the city insulting us into buying this shit, but seriously… where is it going to all end?

i feel like the sunsilk ads are dangerously close to marrying a pair of dusty pirate boots and begging us to look at her nether bits.

The Cure for Aerkitharaphobia

i'm absolutely phobic of watching grown men playing air guitar. seriously, i have to cover my eyes like a prepubescent kid watching porn when i even think someone is about to indulge. i don't understand it, and my torso sears with hot embarrassment when i see someone in the crux of their alcohol induced "performance". i'm convinced there should be some modification made to the 2008 DSM to include Aerkitharaphobia.

[cut to]

i was having a fuck all week. everything made as much sense as a woody allen movie, and i was just shit tired from lack of sleep. my fiancée, in his infinite brilliance and aerkitharaphobic omniscience, brings home Air Guitar Nation, the 2006 vehicle documenting the very first US air guitar championships. i'm not going to summarize or even explain this film here. it's too easy and at the same time, completely impossible. it's genius yet an utterly spellbinding exercise in nonsense. plus, i have a tendency to say too much and would forever be bruised if i ruined the experience for anyone else suffering from this affliction.

i recommend turning it into a drinking game. whenever you feel the word "douchebag" welling up in your throat, take a shot.